Victoria

Over the years I've heard a few stories where people have claimed to have dreamt of their angel babies. I don't know why, but I've always doubted these stories meant anything; after all a dream is just your imagination, right? I'm ashamed to admit it, but I thought they were barely even believable..

Today was just a normal Sunday in our home. As we prepared for DH {dear husband} to head back to base hours away, I debated as to whether or not I should put DD {darling daughter} down for a nap. I'm always so torn; a few hours of rest, or a few extra hours with daddy? Turns out, our bodies decided for us, and both DD & I were struck with exhaustion at the same time. I decided to get in bed next to her, and told DH to wake me up after 20 minutes if I wasn't up yet.

Within minutes I was slowly falling asleep. While I wasn't quite completely asleep, I began what I assume was dreaming. It was strange, and I'm not sure I can give it justice through my words, but I'll try...

The dream consisted of almost nothing, and lasted no time at all. I saw five children sitting side by side on a white bench; everything around them was white. I say "everything" but I really mean nothing; there was nothing around them. On the far left sat who I assume was the oldest, and judging by the height, they went down in age to the youngest on the right. Though I couldn't see their faces, because they had their backs to me, I knew they weren't far apart in age - the youngest looking about 8 years old.

Everything about them was completely and utterly angelic - simply no doubt about it.

Their hair was a beautiful blond, that shone hints of red in the light that came from above. I couldn't tell whether they were boys or girls, but in the dream I didn't question that. They sat there wearing long white gowns, with no shoes. While they sat, I could see that they were having fun playing simple hand games with each other. The one furthest on the right, the youngest, then turned around and looked at me. She was perfect in every way imaginable. The most beautiful striking blue eyes, and a face sculpted to perfection. In that instant, I knew her name. It didn't just come to me, I just knew it as though I'd always known. Her name was Victoria. She smiled at me, and in that instant, I couldn't help but feel so entirely loved. 


I woke up with tears in my eyes. Did that really just happen? I can't explain what I felt at that moment. Whether it was an image sent from God himself, or something my mind fabricated I'll never know, but I do know the comfort it brought me. While I couldn't see the children, I knew they were mine. They were happy, safe, and together. I quickly tried to close my eyes again, praying to go back. Tears streaming down my face I went downstairs to find my husband and just clung to him. I finally stopped crying long enough to tell him about it. We sat in silence, and just held each other.

What really gets me, is that this morning while showering I had a small break down. My fourth miscarriage had never been confirmed (a long story). During my break down, of tears and shaking my fist towards the heavens, I prayed for my babies, I asked God if I would ever know exactly how many babies were waiting for me. I felt so sad for never really knowing the truth - The pain was there, I felt the loss, it just couldn't be confirmed.

I now know that the answer is five. We have five sweet angels waiting in heaven for us. The youngest, a beautiful blue eyes girl, named Victoria..

Yesterday I came across a short prayer, that really stuck with me; It was the prayer I said in the shower earlier this morning:

Dear Lord,

I would have loved to hold my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them in your lap and tell them about me?

In what seemed like 5 short seconds, I feel as though so many of our prayers had been answered. I feel so much comfort, and even joy from this dream. I feel as though when she looked at me and smiled, she knew me completely.
Again, whether this dream was a fabrication of my mind, or straight from God himself, I'll never know; either way it's helped me greatly, and at the end of the day, I will be continuing to thank God for all he does.

I would like to point out that never had DH and I ever considered, nor discussed Victoria as a name for any of our children. I've always thought of it as a beautiful name, but it was never on our list. We had also never intended to name any of our angel babies; it was something we decided on, together; after all it isn't very easy to name a child when you don't know their gender, let alone have had the chance to see their faces. We said we'd wait until we could meet them, just as if they were born alive to us. However, whether it has been by us, or by the grace of God, our precious baby number five, has been named Victoria.

Todays verse of the day

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.” Acts 20:24